Mother Moon
by Iorhael-nin
Summary: Can angst and humor coincide peacefully? Mother moon. Tell me, what was she thinking when she cursed one of her own children to be the only living creature to become bestial in her glowing rays? Rating may eventually go up... you never know. Marauders!
1. Mother Moon

The moon. What a lovely thing. Romantic? Mysterious? Ethereal orb of celestial light, someone once penned. Damn the lovesick poet who wrote of the moon as a center of all things pure. The moon is a symbol of motherly intuition. Mother moon. Tell me, what was she thinking when she cursed one of her own children to be the only living creature to become bestial in her glowing rays? Why was I not allowed to bask in her beauty? Where was her motherly instinct when she forced me to be alone with her for all eternity?

Well, not quite alone. But without a partner, at least. There were some. Some that chose to carry the weight of my loneliness, and with it lift my spirits. Since I was a child I'd thought about growing up, having a family infinitely better than my own. How I hate my own. But now that is impossible. I will not live with the fear that I may murder a child in its sleep. No one should have to deal with such pain. If I am to suffer, it would be to prevent the suffering of my loved ones. But such thoughts are beyond my consciousness at the moment. I feel quite at home now, sitting in the Gryffindor Quidditch stands with my broom resting at my side.

Resting at my other side, is the one who keeps my thirst for life easily quenched. He's quite a defiant soul, you know. He was the one who taught me that there's more to do than feel sorry for myself. And what a well-learned lesson it was. I could still experience some of life's so-called splendor and keep my reputation of having no social credits to speak of. He is why I feel quite at home. My friend. Impetuous by nature, but more loyal a friend you will never find. He's got such spirit and vigor, and unmatched resiliance, that I am forced to believe he could fly on his broom face-first into a wall and find it did not bother him in the least.

He is such a wonderful inspiration to live. And clever. He was the first of them to use his skill to become an Animagi. And at such a young age! Snuffles, Dumbledore once said. Snuffles is what we named him, and he is quite a docile pet... when he's sleeping. Quite arrogant when he's not; although I never told him the truth. I never told him that I love him more than I could've loved even a brother. I never had to. He always knew it was so. He kept me safe from myself and found my very soul when I believed I had none.

"Ah... there it is, Sirius. The moon. And how I loathe the way it shines. So proud, don't you think?"

"I happen to like the moon. It's the sun that's overrated. Starting to hate planets now, Remus?"

"With good reason!" I answer. It's typical of him to say something so riddled with nonsense. It throws into sharp relief the fact that the rest of the world contains so much more nonsense than something so childish and innocent as hating a planet... "Your displays of sheer intelligence never cease to amaze me. Starting to hate planets."

"I like the stars," he says, stretching out on the bleachers with his hands behind his head. "they're so simple. Beautiful, don't you think?"

"Yeah," I answer. "Beautiful." What was it about stars that made me feel so hopeless? Oh yes, it was Severus and his thoughts on astronomy. He'd always thought of it as a waste of time, as... what did he call it? A needless course designed to give intellectually barren students a chance to succeed. Yes, that was it. Well, Severus was always a bleak child. Ever since they'd met, he'd had little or no interest in human contact. Schoolwork was always the confidant he could fall back on if all other pursuits failed. Love and comradery weren't occupation requirements, after all. But why dwell on these thoughts now? There's time to be wasted, and I won't be caught dead doing something productive such as thinking, not around Sirius. Now I'm beginning to sound just like him.

"Where's James? I thought he said he'd meet us here," I ask.

Sirius takes a moment to think, his eyes toward the darkened blue sky. "He is. Just give him a chance, Remus, for god's sakes. He's got detention with Binns this evening."

"Again? I think he's breaking your record." This was the third time in a week. Binns must've really taken a liking to his rude caricatures of Severus on the board. Sirius opened his mouth to ask yet another question, no doubt. A white paper airplane is soaring through the night sky, weaving in and out of trees toward the Gryffindor stands. It flits about, crushing its wing trying to soar through a hoop.

"It's from James," Sirius laughs, "we just learned how to charm them by hanging around in the Ministry near his father's office."

The paper plane flies straight for my head, and I snatch it out of the air. "Dear mischief makers, this dunderhead is keeping me in longer than expected, can't make it tonight, I'm sure you'll have fun without me, keep our dream of rule-breaking alive, best regards from James. The man still doesn't know how to separate sentences... I think we're having a bad influence on his intelligence level."

"No... He's learned how to lower his intelligence level all by himself. And why aren't you feeding me compliments and praise yet? It took me quite a long time to teach him how."

"I can see it now," I chuckle. "All hail Sirius Black, the idol of prats everywhere. They'll name you their king. Oh, it'll be a beautiful ceremony; except when you bow, they'll mistake your face for your ass and crown the wrong end. It was an honest mistake at least, since both produce something quite rude and foul that is shunned in most cultured societies."

"Laugh, Remus, it makes you seem more human." Sirius, though completely daft, has quite excellent comebacks. He scans the area for any more letters, from James, or Peter perhaps. Where is Peter? Maybe he had a run-in with Severus again, or that obnoxious third-year. What was his name? Oh yes... Lucius. I must say, I thought Severus had better judgement than to befriend the likes of him. I suppose Sirius and James have humiliated him so very many times that he's lost all of his sanity. Has he ever had sanity on his side? Whatever he has, it is quite astounding. All teachers favor him for his vast knowledge of...Well, there isn't any sole interest, Severus enjoys knowledge itself. It gives him power over bullies like James. In fact, it's his only weapon.

But where is Peter? He and Lilly were supposed to meet us here over half an hour ago. Oh well... I'll bask in the moonlight while I'm allowed. It's only a matter of days before I become almost as hairy as Regulus... At least Lilly might show tonight. I've never seen her in the light of the moon before...

A/N: 'Ello poppets. I have returned with not one, but TWO HP fics. I'm going for merchandise soon. Five billion t-shirts with the slogan, "Moonlight Becomes Ye" and a picture of Ralph Fiennes (the REAL Remus Lupin). Just imagine... One of the characters introduced in POA could actually be hot for once. But I do love Gary Oldman... especially as a vampire... We must get David Thewlis and wax off that atrocious mustache (or rip it off, depending on whether it is fake or not), so that it may scare little children no longer! Oh, and you must read 'The Fine Line Between Love and Insanity' because... well, it ROCKS! And stop by to read my cowrite parody w/Lady Rumbottom called, "The Lord of the Fics: the Authorship of the Fic" if you get a chance.

::flashes subliminal messages that say "Read my other HP fic...read...reeaaaaddd":: Whoops, don't know where that came from... ::hides hypno-beam::

You have the right to review. Please exercise your right often. For instance...now.


	2. And There She Is

_And There She Is_,

walking so confidently into the Quidditch field. It was Lily who got James into so much trouble in the first place. They have a sportive war between them, though everyone knows James fancies her. And why wouldn't he love her? God knows I do...

I have loved her, Lily Rose Evans... for a very, very long time, it seems. What a fitting name for such a radiant blossom as this. Fiery red hair, making all other blazes look inferior in contrast. Ivory skin like the face of the moon, and even in this is there irony. The one thing I desire... resembling the only thing I loathe. But her eyes... Like nothing I have ever seen before, and in this way, difficult to describe. I suppose... her eyes are like spring in the early morning, when dew settles on blades of grass. All this musing is making me seem like a lovesick pup more than a man. But maybe I am both, given the circumstances.

"Remus, wake up. Lily is here," Sirius says, pointing to where I have been staring.

"Yes, I know." But he doesn't. The one I confide in, the only one... I still haven't told Sirius. He found out on his own.

"I know you know, but you're staring again. Get a nekid magazine like the rest of us and stop ogling." Sirius flashes a grin at me that suggests pure mischief.

I glare at him. "I don't want any dirty magazines, you git."

"Well that's you. Always wanting what you can't have and throwing away what you can."

"I don't want dirty magazines, Padfoot!"

Lily is behind me. I can smell her, hear her heart beating, her breathing. It's entrancing...

"What's all this about dirty magazines? Trying to sell them again, Sirius?"

Oh no. She heard us. It's all over now...

"No, _Lily. _I'm trying to convince Moony to buy a few. He's getting very lonely waiting for y– OW!" Sirius always goes a step too far, and how it bothers me! I know he won't ever betray my trust, but still...

"I missed your company, Remus." I can feel myself blush when Lily mentions my name. She missed my company? It's a start...

"And I yours, Lily my sweet." I kiss her hand; our formal greeting of two hopeless aristocrats. Such casual conversation makes me want so desperately to give her a _real _kiss, the kind seen in Muggle theater when the two lead characters fall in love. But sometimes, 'urges' are the most dangerous feelings of all for someone afflicted with lycanthropy. I almost forget to release her hand, but Sirius clears his throat. There is an awkward silence until Sirius decides to make the situation even more awkward. So helpful, my friend.

"Told you- you need a magazine to clear your mind. Leave the poor girl alone, Moony."

"Leave me alone? With you, Sirius? Not for an instant. I know what goes on in that nearly-empty head of yours." Lily has a point. Sirius' mind never has and never will contain a decent thought about members of the opposite sex. His animagus has always fit his personality quite well.

"What's keeping James?" Sirius asks, looking about, as if James is about to fall from the sky.

"What do I care? I hope he rots in Binns' class." Lily is angry with him, as usual. Her eyes turn deeper shades of green when she's angry. They're almost evergreen by now, turning slightly black with rage. It makes her all the more beautiful. A symbol of power.

"Remus hopes so too, so he can have you all for himself."

"Sirius! What are you talking about?" I force a laugh, but it isn't enough to convince Lily. She's far too bright for any tricks. That's why Sirius never amuses her; she knows the tricks of _his_ trade.

"Moony, why do you always resist? I find it adorable, you having a crush on me."

Adorable. She calls it adorable. Because I am younger than the rest I am marked as the sweet little thing that doesn't know love. I do know love, Lily my sweet. I've felt it for you since the first time we met. If only I could tell her that now.

"Remus is adorable? But _I'm _the stray dog. Shouldn't I be adorable too?"

Lily glares at Sirius, gathers her books, and walks toward me. Someone help me suppress everything I've ever felt for the girl. Please... help me.

I can feel my hand twitch on my right knee as she sits down to my left.

"I'm sorry, love. I don't mean to treat you like a child, but..."

This is it. This is the day I'll tell her. "Lily, I–" I love you, Lily. Too much to say in earshot of the sniggering buffoon behind me. Someday I'll tell you. Someday...

"He loooves you."

"God damn you, Sirius!" I nearly mount my broom and fly away, but Lily tugs on the end of my scarf.

"Please stay."

"I can't." Not now I can't. Sirius, God love him, has betrayed my well-kept secret. "Please, Lily. Just let me go."

"Have a seat. You're not going anywhere," Sirius speaks up. He walks to me and steals my broom. "I'm keeping this until you sit down. Now stop acting like a child."

"But I am a child," I mock. They think of me as a fledgling!

"Remus, please!" Lily sounds desperate. Oh no, I've upset her. This is worse. What does she think I will do?

I finally have courage. "Do you think I'll become a beast if left unattended? Murder you all in the dead of night? Is that why you babysit me like this?"

"Shut your gob you blithering idiot! They're your mates." It's James.

"Prongs! At last. How'd you escape?" Sirius waits for his grand deception story with anticipation.

James was never the best storyteller. "...Peeves. Had a row with Binns and I escaped." He notes the pout on Sirius' face. "What, Padfoot? Did you expect some wonderful adventure?"

"No! I expected you to lie." Sirius yawns loudly and elbows James. "I'm off to bed. You too, James?"

"No, I just got here S–" Sirius elbows him again. "–I mean, sure, sure." He faked a large, exaggerated yawn. "Well, g'night."

"James," I finally protest, rather sheepishly at that. "I'll go."

"Nonsense!"

Lily shoos them both and moves closer to me. Animalistic urges, keep the head of a gentleman...

"Tomorrow's our last day as students at Hogwarts," she says, gazing not at me, but at the black, star-strewn sky.

"I will miss it," I say, "but in some ways, it will be a relief to know that I won't have to hide anymore. No more dodging professors on my way out to the grounds, no more making up excuses to prefects to leave dinner early..."

"...no more lonely moonlit night, Remus." She places her hand over mine. "I'll always be here to aid you on your way if you need me. I was so afraid of being caught before, but... Oh Remus, I'm sorry..."

Lily. Beautiful Lily. Why am I troubling her so? "You've never given me any grief, Lily. I know how difficult it is escaping from the castle. You've got a world to see. A world without this kind of danger. A world without me, dear. I have to let you go."

"Never! You think you'll be rid of me that easily?" she taunts me, trying to find my smile. It's there now, spread across my face. I miss smiling sometimes. Being happy...Devoid of cares like the rest. I was once a child of four or five, blissfully absent from the harsh world. Six years old, and I was pulled up from the fairytale world and shaken violently by reality. I was bitten by a wolf, a werewolf to be exact. Never again would I live in the present, only in fear of the next attack, the next full moon. I looked up Lycanthropy- the more sophisticated word for a slobbering, shedding, killing fiend. The first sign was a change of eye color. Werewolves' eyes are amber, even in their human forms- it is a mark of their everlasting condition. Sad, really. I was quite fond of my hazel eyes as a boy. Second was the bite- a werewolf bite never heals. The victim shall always wear the bite, carrying it like a curse on their being. The bite marks are still present on my ankle. Damned creature nearly snapped my tendon. The third was quite odd. Like all wolves, werewolves can use their senses to find their mates. This isn't romance anymore with a gent like myself. It's animal instinct. No, I do not intend to pounce on Lily, but I knew from the moment I met her that she was mine. I could feel it. Everything about her. A wolf will not rest or falsely fall in love with another until its mate is found. And so far, it has driven me to suffer through many lonesome moons. Nearly driven me to madness as well.

"Lily, it's late," I whisper, "we should sneak into the school now before Rowan comes out here on his night search of the grounds." Jeremiah Rowan, the groundskeeper of Hogwarts. The most terrifying in all the faculty. White-haired and narrow-eyed, traces of his youth sucked from his face, leaving him looking much like a moldy raisin. His greatest love is the pain of others, his passion their suffering. Most assume his undergarments are far too tight for comfort, but I know differently. He had spent so many years in Azkaban that he is aged, almost to the point of extinction. Rowan is only thirty or so, but he seems a great deal older than Dumbledore. Poor man. He was falsely accused of treachery to the Ministry. One of the Malfoys or Snapes, it must have been. He himself had never been a Death Eater. At any rate, Rowan stalks the grounds now. He watches for the "monster" he'd seen on previous occasions, roaming about the forest.

"There he is!" Lily whispers loudly. She's correct. Rowan peers out from the corner of the Quidditch field, near Hufflepuff stands. Lily blanches and hides me in between the stands and our broomsticks, putting me clear out of sight.

"Lily what are you doing?"

"Fly around to the bridge nearest the second floor corridor. I'll distract him. The last thing you need is detention tomorrow afternoon." As soon as everything she says sinks in, Lily shoves me and my broom off the back of the stands. "GO!"

"Who's there?! Come about, you!"

Lily stands and yells, earning her some publicity. "I was studying for Astronomy, you great ugly git! Go back to the dungeons and chain yourself up!"

"Come here you! What's your name?!"

She flashed her red hair in the moonlight, yelling down to him. "LILY EVANS! I'll spell it for you if you like! L...I...L...."

"I know who you are, Miss Evans! Come down here at once!"

"Come up and get me!"

"Very well. _Petrificus totalus!_" She falls stiff as a board onto the bleachers, Rowan taking his broom to the very top.

I gasp. The shock of Lily's audacity is both terrifying and gorgeous in its own right. She's left me enough time to escape to the north tower instead. I'll be fine now, now that attention has been taken away from the habitual rule-breaker: myself, of course. Rowan will be overcome with happiness to give Lily Evans, model student, some type of unusual punishment. I'll visit her in detention tomorrow, just before I walk to breakfast. I'll help her escape in time for our bittersweet partings. And God knows, I love her... No, not even God can fathom just how much I care for Lily Evans, keeper of my heart, and anything else she pleases...

But what of tomorrow- the last day of our lives? After this, will you ever see me again? I surely hope so. And some day, you'll know the wolf as well as the man, and how sometimes they peacefully coincide. After all, both have the same desire, my dear.

Gentlemanly, please. Must be a gentleman...

_A/N: Yes, I know. Took me long enough. Well I have two other stories with demands, so... Hm. Any good? I hope so. I put a lot of thought into the progression of this story. You might very well get another chapter sometime soon! Sorry, it's not a promise right now..._

_Thanks to my reviewers! And Chelsea- YES, WE _ARE_ LOOPY FOR LUPIN! Ahhh..._


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